My Name Is...

 Isaiah 62:2-5 & 11-12

…you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
No longer will they call you Deserted,
 or name your land Desolate.

…as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.

The Lord has made proclamation
to the ends of the earth:
“Say to Daughter Zion,
‘See, your Savior comes!
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.’”
They will be called the Holy People,
the Redeemed of the Lord;
and you will be called Sought After,
the City No Longer Deserted.

 For too much of my life, I was rendered voiceless under the pressing weight of the identities given to me by others and the titles with which I identified myself. I was caught in the chaos of a lifelong identity crisis, torn by all the things I was told I should be, the things I wanted to be and the things I wasn’t. I was empty and longing for a fullness of purpose I thought an identity could provide.

I wanted my name to be Good. Smart. Composed. Talented.

I wanted my name to be Beautiful. Beloved. Treasured. Valued.

And most of all I wanted my name to be Enough. I wanted to meet the standards set for me by myself and by others. I wanted to feel like my works were sufficient and pleasing to those who mattered to me.

Instead of Enough, my name became Empty and Insufficient.

Instead of Beautiful, my name became Rejected and Unwanted.

And instead of Composed, my name became The Mess.

I felt helpless under the weight of all the identities I carried around daily. I would constantly look for new ways to discover myself and create myself, to become the perfect version of me I’d always dreamed I would be. My pursuit for freedom in perfection became the thing that enslaved me. I was caught in a vicious cycle of seeking fulfillment and stability in an empty and unstable world.

As my heart began breaking under the pressure of my pursuits, God looked down on me, and His heart broke with mine. When I cried out in the midst of my desperation, He reached down through the darkness and restored my life. He erased every shame bearing name chained to my heart and breathed His life into me. And with this new life, He also gave me a new name.

No longer am I called Deserted or Desolate.

My name is Daughter of the King.

My named is Redeemed of the Lord.

And my name is Sought After by God.

I am precious in His sight. In His eyes, I am a crown of splendor in His hand. He treasures my heart and He desires all of me. He loves me with a divine and reckless love; as a bridegroom delights over his bride, so the Lord rejoices over me. The same mouth that breathed the stars into being also sings songs of praise over me. The same hands that laid the foundations of creation and wove time itself into being are the same hands that hold my heart. And His Holy Spirit whispers to my heart daily that I am beloved by my Creator, and that is solely where my identity lies.

Each of us is named His Beloved, no matter the names we’ve held in the past. And He longs for us to rest in the infinite peace of His presence in which our true identity is found. He hears our every desperate cry and His heart breaks along with ours. And He desires to restore our breaking hearts to new life and write on them a new name: Redeemed.

My Undoing

I have an innate desire to have control. While it's something I give to God everyday, I will always be in a battle with my flesh to put to death that natural desire that tempts me. And because of this desire, I strive to obtain the image of myself I want to see, to keep my composure controlled and comfortable. I like being what others consider put-together, and I push myself to meet unrealistic standards. I go into this vicious cycle believing the lie that I will come out empowered, and instead come out of it tired and empty with all of my human efforts exhausted.

In the midst of attempting to weed through in my mind what are lies and what is truth, I remember the one truth that brings me to my knees every time.

Christ did not come and die for my salvation so that my Earthly composure and image would be maintained. He came to wreck my earthly self to the core.

Christ came to be my undoing. For when my earthly life is unraveled, the life I try so hard to weave together on my own, space is created for the Holy Spirit to come and weave together a story far greater than I could ever create.

I was not created to be put together by my standards. No, rather I was created for a holy destruction that could only lead to the edification of the image of Christ in me. When I die to myself, Christ is resurrected in me. I was not born again as a daughter of Christ to refine myself and become a better version of me; I was created anew to be a mirror of Christ, to reflect Him in everything I do so that more people draw near to Him and not to me.

He meant it when He said He is the "Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End" (Revelation 22:13). He is the eternal God who always has, and always will be. He is the Sovereign God who chooses to come and live in us. He is our undoing, but in our undoing His Holy Spirit weaves us together into something incredible: the reflection of His son.

We will never be perfect; our human condition hinders us from being perfect mirrors. That is what grace is for. But once we realize our purpose as a mirror, that our lives can only be woven together when they come undone, it reshapes everything. We become more intentional to not only be Jesus to people, but to see Jesus in those we encounter everyday. For Jesus said, "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 26:40).

Every person is the least of these. Every person is hungry for something greater than themselves, for a need they cannot provide. And once we take on life in Christ, we are called to intentionally meet the least of these where they are as Jesus did, and treat them as if they were Jesus, as if we were pouring into and loving on the Son of God Himself.

Let Christ be your undoing and your becoming, where you end and where you begin. Being overwhelmed in the aftermath of Grace is a beautiful place to be. And it's where our identity lies.

The Author

Hebrews 12:2

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

So often I hear people say, "Just give God control of your life," and I hadn't really thought about what exactly that meant until recently. I'd say it in my prayers all the time, that I was giving God control. And then I thought about it- it's really impossible for us to give God control because we can't give to God what we never had in the first place. We have never been in control of our lives. It is not us that ordain the universe or write out the scripts for our futures. We don't breathe life into existence with a single sigh or number every star and know them by name. That is and always has been God. So why do we so often say that we are giving Him control?

Each of us has an innate desire to have control over our lives; we've had it since the day we were born. When we give our hearts to Christ, it becomes a daily struggle to surrender the war to have control over our lives and realize that He is truly in control. The greatest peace we could ever experience comes when we surrender the war for control and find victory in Christ, who is the author and perfecter of our faith and our lives. The desire for control can be something we can become so easily enslaved to, and when we fight for control over what we desire we end up caught in a vicious cycle of sin because our desires are never pure and perfect like God's.

The good news for those like me that have been enslaved in the battle over control- Christ came to set us free.

He took on the cross and bore the shame we were supposed to bear to pay for the sinful cycles we succumb to and conquered death so that we would be free from sin and free from all that enslaves us. And He took it all on with joy, knowing that His sacrifice would bring freedom to you, His beloved. He sits at the right hand of the throne of God today as the divine author and perfecter that He has always been.

We don't have to be enslaved any longer. Freedom comes in surrendering the war for control to the one who has had control all along. Freedom comes when we stop trying to steal the pen from the author who is writing a far better life story than our minds could ever conjure.

Be brave. Surrender. And live in His sweet freedom today.

The Fixer

Psalms 145:13-14

The Lord is faithful to all his promises, and loving toward all He has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all those who are bowed down.

I am a very, very self critical person. Probably one of the most self critical people you will ever meet honestly. I have a horrible habit of beating myself up whenever I mess up, even in small ways. I constantly think of ways I can fix what I did or how I can improve my actions in the future so the mistake I made won't happen again. I am innately a fixer at heart. While my desire to fix broken things in me and around me can be a good motivator to do better sometimes, it ultimately exhausts me at the end of most days and leaves me more stressed than satisfied.

I had one of these self-critical moments when I was running the other day (which is a rarity with my schedule and energy level). I hadn't run in months, so I had to stop and take a break in the middle of a two mile run. As I sat on a bench to catch my breath, I beat myself up over how I'm so weak, how I used to be so much faster, how two miles shouldn't kill me like this, how I should keep going instead of stopping.

And then God gently whispered to my heart in that moment in only the way He does. Not in an audible voice, but rather a stirring in my heart that breathed wisdom into my soul.

"Daughter- when you were a child and you were learning to walk, did your Father scold you and punish you when you fell and scraped your knee? No- rather he lovingly picked you up and helped you start walking again. It's the same way with me- you're still learning to walk through life, and you always will be learning. I will lift you every time you fall. Have grace for yourself the way I have grace for you."

And then a peace came over me. It's so hard for me to have grace for myself when I fall. I want blame myself so I can fix it. I muddle through the guilt that builds up everyday until it becomes to much. But in the stillness of the moments when my heart rests in His presence, I am reminded that I am not a fixer, nor was I designed to be. That job belongs to God alone, and I'm learning to lay at His feet every little thing I can't fix. And I'm reminded that guilt is not from God, that shame comes from the enemy. In God there is no guilt, only grace, only love.

Have grace for yourself today, and let God be the fixer. Let the truth of His fatherly grace settle in your soul and bring you peace.

Madelynn

Dance

Psalms 149:3-4

Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to Him with the tambourine and harp. For the Lord takes delight in His people; He crowns the humble with salvation.

Today I stepped outside and let the rain soak my skin for a few minutes. I don't know why, but this is something that always soothes my soul. It makes me smile just to think of fat raindrops exploding on my skin as the trees around me dance and bend to the sound of thunder. I danced along with the rain and the trees for a moment, like the childish five-year old at heart that I am.

As I danced in the rain, I thought about how I used to long to dance with a boy in the rain, a boy who would sweep me off my feet and make me whole. I would dream about this boy as a young girl, and my expectations kept getting bigger as I grew older and waited for a prince charming who would take my hand and dance with me through storms and walk with me through life.

As I danced and thought about these things, God gently whispered through the storm, "Dance with me, daughter."

I smiled at the sky through the rain and thought how good it is to have a God who not only waters the ground beneath my feet but the soul beneath my skin as well. I marveled at how incredible and humbling it is that the mighty God of the universe who breathed the stars into their place chooses to communicate with us in simple whispers through the rain. And I thought about how divine His love is above any other, how no earthly relationship could ever compare to the deep love that is experienced in drawing close and dancing with the Father.

God desires to dance with you, His beloved child. As you humbly step away from your busy life that divides your attention and draw near to Him in an intimate relationship, He graces your heart with a crown of salvation. His love is far greater than any love any person on earth could offer us.

Dance with your Father today. Rejoice in this divine love you have with Him as He delights in you, His beloved.

Madelynn.

Courage

1 Corinthians 16:13

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.

It's so easy for me to look around at others and think I am not a very brave person. When I think of bravery, I think of firefighters risking their lives to save others, missionaries giving up everything and traveling to third-world countries, or pastors imprisoned and tortured for the sake of the gospel. I don't think of average me sitting in my room reading books or babysitting down the street or blogging late into the night or any of my other day-to-day activities. My mundane, everyday actions are not what I consider brave.

But God whispers to my heart that I can be brave, and that bravery doesn't have to be big.

While risking your life to save others or sacrificing everything for a cause is certainly courageous, courage is not always in the form of grand gestures. God doesn't ask for our actions or our sacrifice, He asks for our heart and all of it. That is the courage God asks of us: that we completely trust Him with our heart and lay everything down at His feet.

Being brave is asking God to guard your heart, the heart he fearfully and wonderfully made and the heart in which He abides. Everything you do flows from this heart (Proverbs 4:23), and letting go of the battle to protect your own heart and trusting Him to guard your heart is an act of great courage.

Being brave is rooting your faith in the Rock that can't be shaken and standing firm on His unbreakable foundations (Psalms 62:2). It takes courage to step off of the comfortable but unstable earthly foundations we've built for ourselves and standing firm on the foundation that always was and always will be steadfast.

Being brave is realizing Christ's power is made perfect in your weakness and allowing this truth to make you strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). It is when you come to Christ with your weakness and desperation that He empowers you with His strength and not your own. There is bravery in seeing the beauty in our inadequacy and in God's exceeding ability to provide.

And being brave is loving. For when we love, we are living out the identity of God for His being is love and He desires for us to mirror Him in that that live out love. Love recklessly. Love unconditionally. Love purely. And love bravely.

We can live out courage for Christ by worshipping Him in these ways, for when our lives become acts of worship, everything we do is brave. Even the smallest breath that is breathed in a life dedicated to Christ is courageous in that we have offered that breath of our lives to Him in an act of faith to Him.

Lay your heart at His feet today in boldness, and offer to Him your life, your breath which He has breathed into your lungs. This is worship. This is courage.



 

Selfish

Galatians 6:1-2

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ

I sin almost everyday in that I am a selfish person. But not selfish in the way most people would imagine when they think of the word selfish. I am selfish with my burdens. So often I am afraid of inconveniencing people with my burdens, thinking the load I carry is too impossibly big to share with any other person, even God. I have an innate desire to hold in all of my oppressions, all of my brokenness and fix it all myself. I tell myself that I am strong, that I can handle it on my own and that I can come out of these battles victorious. But the truth is that I can't. I am not strong- my being is composed merely of dust and a soul. I cannot handle my burdens on my own, nor was I designed to, and the more I hold it in the more my poorly built foundation cracks and bends beneath me. Slowly but surely I am learning everyday to completely lay my burdens at the feet of Christ and leave it in his hands. I am learning that Christ's power is made perfect in my weakness. I am learning that He is the cornerstone of all life, the unshakable foundation and unbreakable rock on which I stand. And I am learning that the Lord will fight for me, that I need only be still and surrender to His perfect will. He humbles me to release my greed of hoarding all my burdens and to freely give it all to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than anything I could ever ask or imagine. He shows me that He has provided me with people wiser than I am, who have walked this mile before and in whom I can confide all my deepest anxieties. Peace is found when we surrender all of our burdens to Christ, and share our burdens with those He has placed in our lives to love and care for us, who desire to carry our burdens and give us rest. And peace is found when we seek out those who are burdened and share with them the perfect peace and restoration that comes in laying our worries at the foot of the cross.

Come to God in this moment and lay down at His feet anything that is pressing on your heart- your fears, your worries, your insecurities, your sins. His heart breaks for you when you carry it all on your own, and He desires to alleviate your load. He is the God of restoration, and He will bring you through whatever storm and whatever battle you may be facing right now. Humble yourself and let Him into your heart so that He may carry your burdens for you. And pray that He would reveal to you someone with whom you can share your burdens, someone who will gladly carry your burdens and offer you wisdom to encourage you and bring you peace. Ask that He would also open your eyes to those burdened around you, that you may show them the peace and restoration that is found in Christ. Let His peace and truth settle in your soul today and bring you rest.

Madelynn