Melt

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God- children born not of natural descent, nor of human or a husband's will, but born of God." -John 1:12-13

I am innately an independent, strong-willed, stubborn person. I often push myself to ridiculous limits thinking I can handle all I have weighing on my shoulders on my own. I like handling responsibility and feeling strong and accomplished about all I've done. What I don't like is the feeling of dependency. It's such an uncomfortable place to be for me. Dependency requires me admitting my weakness and need. It requires confessing that I can't do it all on my own, that I can't handle everything weighing on my shoulders, and I need help.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my cycle of stubborn independence, I feel almost like machine. I feel like I'm made of cogs chiseled out of stone, constantly turning and moving, only slowing down from rust and erosion from being over worked. I end every day feeling exhausted and burned out with nothing left to give, only to wake up another day and give my all again. And I am tired of churning and cranking out the products I think will please the world. I want so much more. I need so much more.

What I need is for my heart to melt. I need Jesus to come in with His all consuming fire and melt my heart of stone into a heart of flesh that is beating to the rhythms of His grace. My whole spirit cries out to be melted, to break free from the vicious cycle of independence and find rest in sweet dependence on Christ. I need Christ to come and put to death this relentless machine monotonously cranking within me and resurrect in me His refreshing, sustaining life.

One thing I so admire about the children for whom I care is their unashamed dependency. They never hesitate to recognize their need and ask for it. They ask boldly, unabashedly, and confident that they will be provided what they need because they trust that I can provide for them. When I received Christ, I was adopted into His kingdom as a child of God, and He declared me His daughter. I was designed from day one to be dependent on Christ and lean into His Holy Spirit daily through relationship. And He desires for me to come to Him, abandoning my shame attached to my independent spirit, and boldly trust Him with my every need. When I dare to be dependent and step out of my comfort zone, it is then that I find rest. It is then that I fulfillment.