My Undoing

I have an innate desire to have control. While it's something I give to God everyday, I will always be in a battle with my flesh to put to death that natural desire that tempts me. And because of this desire, I strive to obtain the image of myself I want to see, to keep my composure controlled and comfortable. I like being what others consider put-together, and I push myself to meet unrealistic standards. I go into this vicious cycle believing the lie that I will come out empowered, and instead come out of it tired and empty with all of my human efforts exhausted.

In the midst of attempting to weed through in my mind what are lies and what is truth, I remember the one truth that brings me to my knees every time.

Christ did not come and die for my salvation so that my Earthly composure and image would be maintained. He came to wreck my earthly self to the core.

Christ came to be my undoing. For when my earthly life is unraveled, the life I try so hard to weave together on my own, space is created for the Holy Spirit to come and weave together a story far greater than I could ever create.

I was not created to be put together by my standards. No, rather I was created for a holy destruction that could only lead to the edification of the image of Christ in me. When I die to myself, Christ is resurrected in me. I was not born again as a daughter of Christ to refine myself and become a better version of me; I was created anew to be a mirror of Christ, to reflect Him in everything I do so that more people draw near to Him and not to me.

He meant it when He said He is the "Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End" (Revelation 22:13). He is the eternal God who always has, and always will be. He is the Sovereign God who chooses to come and live in us. He is our undoing, but in our undoing His Holy Spirit weaves us together into something incredible: the reflection of His son.

We will never be perfect; our human condition hinders us from being perfect mirrors. That is what grace is for. But once we realize our purpose as a mirror, that our lives can only be woven together when they come undone, it reshapes everything. We become more intentional to not only be Jesus to people, but to see Jesus in those we encounter everyday. For Jesus said, "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 26:40).

Every person is the least of these. Every person is hungry for something greater than themselves, for a need they cannot provide. And once we take on life in Christ, we are called to intentionally meet the least of these where they are as Jesus did, and treat them as if they were Jesus, as if we were pouring into and loving on the Son of God Himself.

Let Christ be your undoing and your becoming, where you end and where you begin. Being overwhelmed in the aftermath of Grace is a beautiful place to be. And it's where our identity lies.

The Author

Hebrews 12:2

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

So often I hear people say, "Just give God control of your life," and I hadn't really thought about what exactly that meant until recently. I'd say it in my prayers all the time, that I was giving God control. And then I thought about it- it's really impossible for us to give God control because we can't give to God what we never had in the first place. We have never been in control of our lives. It is not us that ordain the universe or write out the scripts for our futures. We don't breathe life into existence with a single sigh or number every star and know them by name. That is and always has been God. So why do we so often say that we are giving Him control?

Each of us has an innate desire to have control over our lives; we've had it since the day we were born. When we give our hearts to Christ, it becomes a daily struggle to surrender the war to have control over our lives and realize that He is truly in control. The greatest peace we could ever experience comes when we surrender the war for control and find victory in Christ, who is the author and perfecter of our faith and our lives. The desire for control can be something we can become so easily enslaved to, and when we fight for control over what we desire we end up caught in a vicious cycle of sin because our desires are never pure and perfect like God's.

The good news for those like me that have been enslaved in the battle over control- Christ came to set us free.

He took on the cross and bore the shame we were supposed to bear to pay for the sinful cycles we succumb to and conquered death so that we would be free from sin and free from all that enslaves us. And He took it all on with joy, knowing that His sacrifice would bring freedom to you, His beloved. He sits at the right hand of the throne of God today as the divine author and perfecter that He has always been.

We don't have to be enslaved any longer. Freedom comes in surrendering the war for control to the one who has had control all along. Freedom comes when we stop trying to steal the pen from the author who is writing a far better life story than our minds could ever conjure.

Be brave. Surrender. And live in His sweet freedom today.