Red Dirt

Within the seams of one of my most well worn TOMS, there lays a streak of red dirt from my trip to Kenya three years ago. In a weird way, the sight comforts me. It’s just dirt, really. But it’s a small part of a place where I left a big piece of my heart. One week from this Wednesday, I’ll be venturing back to that same soil to reclaim my heart and give it up all over again. It’s a beautiful mess of a process where I lose myself and find myself all at the same time in a way I never imagined was possible. But that’s one of the sweetest parts of any adventure with God- losing yourself a little at a time, until a pivotal moment of grace hits you. In this sweet collision, you find yourself completely washed away as Christ wells up within you to show your true identity, true life. And the adventure doesn’t stop there. It’s only the beginning of His waves of grace crashing on our shores in new ways every day. 

As excited as I am for a fresh collision with Jesus on this trip, fears well up within me at the sight of the red dirt as well. Kenya has been assailed recently with terrorist attacks, and while it’s on the other of the country from where we’ll be serving, dark thoughts of “what if” still plague me. A war wages in my mind and heart as my imagination explores all the potential dangers. And the brave force I’ve tried so hard to edify within me breaks down as I become victim to my own thoughts. 

In the midst of this tangled mess of worry and excitement, I wonder what Jesus thought through all of His adventures. I wonder what variations of soil from different countries laced His sandals, and how worn they were from his journeys. And I wonder what He prayed before He stepped into the adversity He knew lay before Him. 

I read once in Romans 10 that beautiful are the feet of those who carry the Gospel of peace, who are sent out to speak truth. While I feel sent, I don’t feel very beautiful. I don’t feel very worthy. I feel very small, and a little scared. And it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around Jesus, whose sandals I’m not even worthy to unite, calling me out to arise from the dust and journey with Him in this adventure of grace. In the midst of all of my fear, insecurity and doubt, He whispers to me that He is, and always has been, the Way, the Truth, and the Life. That He will not lead me where He will not go. And that I said yes to this adventure with Him. I said yes. And in that yes was born the sweetness of new life. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” I think there is so much truth in that call to action. Jesus is wonderful at taking us by the hand and leading us on unique journeys to places we never imagined possible. He leads us to the uncharted territories of life and calls us to leave a legacy worthy of His gospel. And He’s placed this incurable itch in my spirit to have a soul just as worn as the soles of His shoes- laced with dirt from the harvest and sweetly torn from taking the uncharted path. 

I may feel small and unworthy. I may be a little scared. But the One who is exceedingly worthy of all praise and breaks through all human boundaries lives within me and goes before me. So I’ll stand with the one who has overcome all fear and darkness and trust Him when He whispers this adventure is worth it. And I’ll revel in the sweetness of new life that is born from saying yes to Him.

The Adventure of Trust

Trust is such a sweet place to be but a hard destination to reach. Daily I struggle with trust- trusting others, trusting myself and even trusting God at times. One of the most impactful examples God lays on my heart when I wrestle with trust is that of Abraham in Genesis 22. God speaks to Abraham and tells him to sacrifice his only son to God as a test of his faith. Abraham gets up early the next morning, in prompt obedience to God's command, and travels to the mountain to sacrifice his son Isaac. Before he leaves for Mount Moriah, he tells his servants that he and his son will be back after the sacrifice is made. When Abraham reaches that pivotal moment where he raises his knife to slay his son on the alter, God sees Abraham's faith and love for the Lord and provides a ram in place of Isaac.

What amazes me about this story is that Abraham trusts God without limits. Before he leaves, he tells his servants that both he and his son will return, completely confident that God will provide. And when Isaac asks his father where the lamb is for the burnt offering, Abraham confidently answers again, "God himself will provide a lamb for the burnt offering, my son." Abraham has one son whom he loves dearly. For years, Abraham and Sarah struggled to have this son. And just when they think they have everything worked out, God asks them to give him up. That's how much Abraham loves God- to sacrifice even his only son for him. And that's how much Abraham trusts God- to know that God would provide a perfect offering in place of his son.

God saw the faith of Abraham and was pleased. God delights when we obey Him out of a place of love and adoration for Him. And seeing this faith of Abraham's, God provided a more perfect sacrifice in place of Isaac. God saw. God provided.

True trust is this: to jump off into the great unknown and fully expect that God will provide His living waters to catch you in the fall. Taking the jump is scary. The fall is even scarier. But the sweetest moment is when we are encompassed in His living, thriving waters that fill us with life. We may not know what the leap of faith may look like for us, but we can know that God has already provided a safe place for us when we step out of our comfort zone and into the great unknown where our faith truly comes to life. And the wonderful thing is, He has already provided the living water into which will we fall. We don't have to manufacture a safety net on our own to catch us. Every human effort to provide for ourselves on our own smalls in comparison to the all-sufficient provision of the cross. Jesus Himself laid down his life in place of ours as the perfect sacrifice, and when we say yes to the adventure of new life with Him, He provides his living water to catch us in our leap of faith.

God still sees. God still provides. And newer, richer depths await us when we step out of ourselves and into the adventure of trust.