Someday...

About two weeks ago, I celebrated Senior Presentation along with the rest of the NCL Cypress Belles Class of 2014. For those of you who don't know, Senior Presentation is basically a big going away ball for the senior class in National Charity League, an organization where mothers and daughters volunteer together in the community. The night was magical to say the least.

It began with my brother escorting me onto the stage, where I then linked arms with my mom as a recording of a letter I had written to her was played. In case you're curious, this was the letter:

Dear Mom,

I can honestly say that over the past 18 years, you have been my best friend. You show me everyday what it is to be strong, courageous, humble and perseverant through everything life throws our way. In every season, you have been my comfort and my safe place to hide. I remember when we went to Kenya almost three years ago, and we were camping in the most remote location we had been to yet. There was a horrible rain storm that blew through and I was so afraid of the lightning and the wind and the rain and the huge river we pitched our tent next to. I was the most terrified I had ever been, and you held my hand and eased my fears. You even made me laugh at the craziness of it all. In 
that moment, I was embarrassed that at the age of 15 I needed my mother to hold my hand in a storm. But looking back on it, I am proud that I have a mother who reaches out to hold my hand through every storm to calm my fears and to bring me joy even in the darkest of times. You truly are the most incredible and inspiring woman I have ever met, and I could not ask for a better mom and best friend. I love you mom.

Obviously, there were some water works shed:

 

 

After we had our special mother-daughter moment, my mom handed me off to my dad to be presented around the ballroom as my accomplishments were read along with my plans for the future. Walking around the ballroom with my dad at my side, I was beaming with pure excitement. 

 

As we finished our walk around the ballroom, my dad let me go to walk to the end of the stage on my own as my favorite bible verse was read (1 Peter 5:10), and the speaker announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Madelynn Marlow." In that moment, I felt more radiant than I ever had in my life.

 

The whole night was marvelous in everyway. It was better than I ever imagined it could be. And as I floated through the night, I couldn't help but hope that this was a little glimpse into what heaven will be like. Someday, I'll get to stand before my father, dressed in pure white, and my whole life will be there for Him to see. My entire life's journey will be laid before Him, and I'll be presented before His heavenly court. And I hope by then my life will have been full of adventures for His kingdom, a life full of brave pursuits of my purpose. I hope He'll look at me and see someone who lived beyond her comfort zone, who trusted Him with no limits. I hope He'll see someone clothed in humility who walked with a confidence in her identity as a daughter of the Risen King.

 

My heart bursts with longing expectation for the day when I stand alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ, linking together to form His beautiful, immaculate bride. With all our sins and scars washed away in the light of His abundant grace, we'll be presented to Him on that glorious day. And my ears ache to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant," declared from the lips of my heavenly father as we are unveiled before His heavenly court.

 

I'm so far from all the things I want to be when I reach heaven. There's so much more life for me to cultivate, so much more I've yet to experience. And while I know I still have many mistakes before me, I know my Father will be there to pick me up every time I fall, and I pray that those words will forever be engraved in my heart, pushing me toward my destination:

Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done.

Brave

2013 was a bittersweet year for me. One thing I found as I walked through the valleys and the peaks of this past year was that more and more people kept calling me brave. Some even the bravest person they had ever met. And this struck me as odd because I had always viewed myself as a little cowardly. I'm often very soft spoken and timid in nature, and I'm definitely not known as a risk taker. I'm the epitome of indecisive, the queen of over thinking. I worry. A lot. And sometimes I let fear hold me back from moving forward. I can string pretty words into sweet truths and stories, but when it comes to acting on those words? I freeze. I'm quick to avoid discomfort and awkward situations, staying in my cozy little bubble of complacency.

So to say I was confused when people called me brave is an understatement. I was dumbstruck. How could someone like me ever be considered brave? As I thought on it, I remembered a quote I had stumbled upon a while ago:

 

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." -Nelson Mandela

If there's anything I learned looking back on 2013, it's what it is to be brave.

Being brave is looking fear in the face and saying, "You don't own me. You have no power over me."

Being brave is trusting without borders. Even when those borders are a little outside your comfort zone.

Being brave is surrendering your heart to the one who is Freedom.

Being brave isn't being strong. It's letting God's power be perfected in your weakness. It's letting His strength be at work in you.

Being brave is listening, really listening to that still small voice of the Holy Spirit and acting on it. Even when it hurts. Even when everything in you tells you to go another way. It is better. And it is worth it.

And being brave is being Love. Purely and simply Love. When we pursue the one who is Love and reflect His heart, that is when we are our bravest. Because love is not easy. It is difficult and messy at times. But when we step into loving each other and immerse ourselves in Love Himself, we find ourselves face to face with the creator of courage, the one who holds bravery in His hands. For when He was pierced for our sins and showed the greatest  display of love by laying down His life for the least of these, that was the peak of all bravery. And it is from those same scarred hands we receive our courage.

So was I really that brave in 2013? Probably not as much as I could have been. But in those moments when I shied away from being brave and stepping out of my comfort zone, God stepped into my insecurity and uncertainty and showed me what true bravery is. He is my source of courage when I feel cowardly to the core. 

My only resolution going into the new year is this:

To be brave.